Charlotte Abigail Bagley (Born in Hospital), Izabelle May Bagley (Born at Home)

Throughout my first pregnancy I did not get to see the same midwife twice. I really wanted to have my baby at home but when I asked one of the team midwives the reply was "we don't really like doing that, as this is your first baby, there are too many things that could go wrong and If everything goes fine you can go home the next day". I didnt think to fight it, I just nodded and accepted.

During the labour and birth in hospital I saw numerous consultants who all seemed intent on "speeding things up". I lost count of how many times I was strapped to a monitor. It was only through my Husband and Mum voicing my wishes for a natural active birth, whilst I was in labour, that helped me get what or almost what I wanted. My labour progressed - I was never in great pain, I concentrated on my breathing and tried my best to ignore what was going on around me, I almost started to doubt I was in labour as I was told that I didn't seem to be in pain, and I should be.

There was no option of what postion I was to give birth in, I tried to kneel up, this seemed to be the most comfortable postion to be in, but was told "we can't really see whats happening with you in that position", so it was back to lying on my back with the gas and air thrust into my hand and all the while being hindered in my movement by the IV drip I had been attached to.

I had been pushing for almost an hour when my body finally took over and pushed Charlotte out into the bright noisy room, after she was checked over she was handed to me. Charlotte was perfect. I was worn out and ended up being violently sick. By this time it had come to the end of the midwife's shift, her coat was on she said goodbye and left another midwife to "help" me deliver the placenta.

I had had what they said was a "text book delivery". I was OK and Charlotte was well that is all that mattered. I had a bath and we were taken up to the ward, I was told to feed Charlotte and to call when I had finished so they could put her in her cot, luckily she latched on and we muddled through this first feed alone. I was in a lot of pain from my hips; when I asked for some paracetamol I was refused at first until I persisted.

That night was very lonely and I was scared as my husband had been sent home, Charlotte was quiet all night, I just lay and watched her, I couldn't sleep my mind was going through what had happened.The morning finally came and I was told to go and get myself some breakfast and leave Charlotte in the nursery; I could hardly walk with the pain from my hips. I counted the minutes until Jim came to collect us, I had wanted to wait until Jim came to bathe Charlotte but the midwife insisted she would show me how to do it.

At this point I had had enough and just wanted to take my baby home.We even had to fight to get to go home and was told many times going home so soon was putting myself and baby in danger and that my Husband and I were very irresponsible. I knew that I would be better off at home, at least there I would be looked after so I could concentrate on recovering and nurturing my new baby. By 4pm we were finally "allowed" to go home but only after I constantly asked to discharge myself and the baby. I had to fight to get home and even when I was home with my new baby the interfering continued; after 3 days a midwife decided my baby was VERY jaundiced and we had best take her back tohospital to get it checked out, we ended up in special care baby unit for the rest of the week.

I wasn't able to breastfeed her as they would not take her off the UV bed "for that amount of time". So I expressed all the milk I had every 3 hours so that they could feed her through a tube. This is not the best way to establish breastfeeding.

We were kept waiting around on the day we were due to go home for yet another paediatrician to check her over. He told us the jaundice was nothing to worry about, as it was "probably just breastfeeding jaundice". My husband and I found the whole experience very traumatic and it was no wonder when I started suffering from PND a few months down the line. I found myself constantly thinking about what We had been through. The care I received seemed adequate at the time, but I felt disappointed that I was not given the opportunity to make informed choices, it was their of way of doing things or nothing.

Charlotte was 2 and a half when I became pregnant with Izabelle. This time I was adamant it was going to be different, the booking in appointment at the hospital seemed very promising. The midwife that booked me in had had 2 homebirths herself and she was all for them. Unfortunately my joy was short lived and every midwife I saw after I was booked in seemed dead against homebirths. At my 24 week check with a team midwife I was told I would have to see a consultant so he could "OK" the homebirth. I asked the same midwife if she was experienced in homebirths, she wasn't.

I was fed up at trying to sell the idea that I wanted a homebirth and at one point got the impression from a midwife that I was only doing it to be trendy. Obviously it had nothing to do with what was best for my baby and Me. This was a very stressful time and I wanted to be enjoying my pregnancy but I was constantly worrying about the care I was receiving and about who would turn up when I was in labour. I didn't want to fight for what every woman has the ability and the right to do and that is to give birth naturally in her own home with her loved ones around her for support.

It was at this point I knew I had to do something and find someone that could help me. After reading an article in a magazine about Independant Midwives, I searched the internet for more information. It was here I found the contact details for "Born At Home Ltd" Cheshire independent  Midwives. I very nearly didn't send the first email, but I am so glad I did. The reply from Tracy put my mind at rest, and luckily she was available to take us on. Our appointments were at home and Tracy involved Jim and Charlotte from the start. My care under Tracy was great - my checks were really informal, just like having a friend around for a chat and a cup of tea.

There was no waiting around in a doctors waiting room for ages, and it meant Charlotte could be involved from the very start, and with me having the baby at home it also meant I could have Charlotte and whoever else I wanted with me at the birth. There were no unnecessary routine blood tests and there was definately no "just in case" attitude with my care.

It was lovely to have a healthcare professional that was so confident in the ability of women to give birth without any medical intervention. Any decisions I had to make were explained to me fully and informatively, I was able to make my own choices whilst having the full support of a Midwife who was up to date with the latest research. My Beautiful relaxed Homebirth Izabelle was due on the 29th of January, which also happened to be Tracy's Birthday.

Well that day came and went with not so much as a twinge and so did the next day. It wasn't until the 31st ofJanuary (Jim's Birthday) that I started with the urge to clean things and bake cakes, we all thought Izabelle was wanting to share her Daddies Birthday. I had tightenings for most of the day and it wasn't until the evening that I started to think that these tightenings were getting very regular.

It was bath and bedtime for Charlotte as usual. As I was sitting at my PC, I thought I had better make a note when each tightening came and for an hour they were 5 minutes apart, I still thought nothing of it, as I wasn't in any pain. Jim was looking at me with knowing eyes and asked me if I wanted to phone Tracy. It was about 9 o clock at night and I decided I would take some paracetamol and go to bed as I was getting a little uncomfortable. I thought I had best get some rest if I really was in labour.

Jim texted Tracy to let her know what was going on. By 11pm I was up and wandering around the living room and the tightenings were now 3 minutes apart, I still wasn't convinced this was it. Surely I wasn't in labour, "should I be in pain?", Jim reminded me of what I was like when I was in labour with Charlotte. It was only at this moment that I realised our baby would be here soon.

For the next 2 hours I sat on my birthball and ate snacks to keep my energy up, Jim phoned Tracy at 1:14am and then my Mum and Dad so they could be there if Charlotte woke up. Jim started trying to pump the birthpool up. I kept stopping him so we could hold each other and sway through each contraction. Tracy arrived at 2:02am as she lived roughly a 45 minute drive away, and I started to doubt I was in labour again as my contractions seemed to be weaker than they had been, Tracy reassured me that this can happen.

My Mum who is a qualified Aromatherapist advised me to use clary sage essential oil and I put a few drops on a tissue to smell and also Jim gave me a foot rub with the oil. This was very relaxing. Within the next 15 minutes the contractions grew stronger, my blood pressure and pulse were checked as was the baby's heart rate, all was fine. The next hour went so quickly as each contraction came, Jim held me and we swayed and breathed through them together. I was so proud when my waters broke all by themselves, no artificial rupture of membranes for me this time around.

My waters were clear and babies heart rate was still fine. As I went to the bathroom to freshen up I started to feel pressure but I still wasn't in too much pain, but the feelings were so familiar and I knew it wouldn't be long before our baby would be here. When I came back down stairs I thought it might be a good idea to try and get the birthpool ready, there was a big rush to sort it out and unfortunately the water pressure was really low so it was taking ages to fill, by this time the contractions were taking over my body.

Coming ready or not!It was now about 3:10am and I no longer wanted to get into the birthpool, my body was pushing the baby out all by itself. I had to get down on to my hands and knees and breathe through these really powerful contractions, I didn't need to push hardly at all, our baby was obviously in a hurry to meet us. It was only at this point that I really thought I might need some gas and air but it was too late, with three massive contractions and three animal like screams I managed to breathe babies head out. Jim said she was looking around even before her nose was out.

And at 3:21am on the 1st of February 2006 Izabelle May Bagley was born weighing 7lb 13oz, she cried and was handed to me straight away, for our first cuddle and some skin to skin contact.The cord was left alone until it had stopped pulsating it was clamped and Jim cut it and then took Izabelle for their first cuddle and some photos. Whilst I got on with delivering the placenta.

Charlotte had now woken and came in to greet her new sister, have some photos taken and help weigh the baby.By 4.40am Tracy settled both me and Izabelle into bed with a cup of warm, sweet tea for me and a breastfeed for Izabelle. Charlotte was tucked back up into bed and nanny read her a story. Jim got on with letting everyone know Izabelle had arrived safe and well. Once everything was cleaned up and tidied away Tracy left us all to settle snuggled up in our own beds for some much needed, well earned sleep.

Tracy came back later that day, and checked both of us over.I was on a natural high after I had Izabelle, I felt so empowered and proud of myself. We had our baby just the way we had dreamt, at home with family present without unnecessary "just in case" medical intervention. A couple of days after Izabelle was born, she turned slightly jaundiced and I was so worried after what we had been through with Lotty, but Tracy reassured us that this was perfectly normal. Izabelle's jaundice cleared all by itself.

I thought after breastfeeding Charlotte for 22 months that it would be a doddle with Izabelle, but it was like starting from scratch, both of us had to learn. As a breastfeeding councellor Tracy was invaluable, she sat with me while I nursed and gave me advice and showed me more comfortable positions to use.

Tracy carried on caring for us until Izabelle was 6 weeks old, and during this time, checks were made at a time that was convenient for us, no 9:00am calls after a night of little sleep. We were all sad to see Tracy go after she had joined us on such a special journey, we received such wonderful support from her. We still keep in touch and I know she is there when the time is right for us to have another baby.It frightens me to think what might happen in the future if Independent Midwives are forced to stop practising, if I am blessed with another pregnancy there is no way that I would want a repeat of the treatment I received first time around.

I can not believe that in this day and age women are on the verge of losing the option on how and where they choose to give birth.